8 Parenting Strategies To Limit Screen Time

What is the definition of success in the art of screen time management?

No one knows exactly, it’s not in the textbooks – yet. But we can speculate that the final product should include some of the following:

• Time spent in reality exceeds time spent on screens. Their brain is formed in the real world, and their neurological development is not compromised in unknown ways.
• Healthy social skills. They have real-world offline friendships and  can comfortably talk face-to-face with people of all ages and backgrounds. They have empathy for others.
• Self-image based on intrinsic value. Kids are resilient to comparisons driven by social media. Their mental health does not depend on “likes”.
• Ability to focus. Kids can concentrate on one project at a time and see it to completion. They are not distracted. They succeed academically.
• Love of reading and learning.
• Peace of mind. They are not overwhelmed by too much digital media. They are not anxious, and they sleep well.
• Physical fitness. They spend time moving their body, screens do not compromise their physical health.
• Critical thinking skills. They can form their own opinions instead of blindly accepting what is popular or trending.

All of these great outcomes are compromised by digital media overuse.

What do teens actually want when it comes to parents’ control over their digital lives? Complete hands off. They think they know better and can make their own judgments about digital content they consume. For an average of 9 hours a day. As a parent, I don’t think so. Not on my watch.

Reading teens’ comments on Common Sense Media about what they think of parents monitoring their phones is so educational. A teen, 16 years old, writes: “If you had taught your child right, your job is to trust their judgement!” Wow, this is a clever move: if you check on me, you are a bad parent!

Don’t take the bait.

Teens’ reactions can basically be summarized into the following categories:

• “They don’t trust me, but I know I am mature and trustworthy!”
• “They violate my privacy – who gave them the right?! I don’t snoop around on their phones!”
• “They take away my freedom to explore the world through my phone as I see fit!”

Fair enough. Let’s look at the arguments one by one.

• Teens are not mature adults, because their brains are not fully developed – in particular, the prefrontal cortex, where maturity and self-control actually resides. Science tells us that the prefrontal cortex is not fully grown until age 25 or so. Sorry, teens, you don’t have the hardware for the software of responsible digital media use you claim to have. Parents know that teens are prone to make mistakes (they remember being teens themselves), and they want to protect you – because they love you.
• Parents not only have the right – according to the law, they have the obligation to care for and control their children under age 18 and authority to make decisions regarding their wellbeing. So if a parent suspects that whatever teen is doing privately on their phone is not good for their welfare, they have the right to check – and to take the phone away if necessary.
• Teens’ natural curiosity can take them to dark places online, where they risk experiencing things that can permanently damage their minds, and even cause physical harm. Violence, porn, predators, disorders, depression, anxiety, and suicide are all residents of the digital world.

The primary reason most parents buy the phone for their child is to be able to always get in touch with them and to know where the kids are.

In other words, to keep the kids safe.

What the parents need is the phone with calls, texts, and a GPS tracker! But a smart phone comes preloaded with addictive video games, time-sucking social media, and a whole list of potential dangers that exposure to the open Internet brings, from manipulative marketing to pornography and online predators.

Since children are not prepared for the dangers of the digital world, parents have to serve as an external shield of protection.

This concept is not new – psychologists call it being an “ancillary brain” for your child. An adult acts as an extra brain to perform cognitive functions a child’s brain is not yet fully capable of.

The idea is to give their brain the time to catch up and get in the game.

Throughout recent history parents took action to protect their kids from the dangers of drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex, drunk driving, bad peer influence and the like. Since the dawn of the digital age a new item has been added to the list of harms – digital addiction. And it might be the hardest to control, because it is so ubiquitous – it is the new normal. It is the business model of a multi-billion dollar industry, it is at home, at school, in everyone’s hands – it’s everywhere. But while kids are under our roof, it’s within our power to prevent overuse, if we want our children to have a good outcome in life.

More and more research comes out to demonstrate that a smartphone is about the most dangerous thing we hand to our kids. We won’t give our underage youngsters a loaded gun or car keys, yet we give them access to the world of addictive gaming, toxic social media, shocking violence, online porn and predators – as early as elementary school.

Research shows that digital media overuse leads to all kinds of negative consequences for our children: from compromised academic performance to the destruction of social skills, from sleep deprivation to anxiety and depression and teen suicide. When you start learning about the consequences of uncontrolled technology use, it’s scary.

Let’s explore what parenting strategies can help us in the digital battle.